Topic: I need some advice

[Canavi]

Ok, first a little background on myself

I am a sophomore in highschool and y'all know all the **** that goes on. My school is pretty chill, about 100 people in grades 9-12 but I have one woman friend who I am especially worried about. Basically, I know a ton of people on her smoke dope and don't have a problem with it, but since as much as I like to say it, I do not really know y'all.

This chick is almost like a sister to me, or so I thought, but now she has been really getting into bad stuff. I am fine with her drinking occasionally, but weed is both illegal and can get her expelled from school and permanently **** up her life. I have an amazing group of friends and I have talked to her by myself, and again with one other person (A girl) about how this is not fly, how we are here for her, and I basically told her, if she ever feels like she is being threated to smoke she can call me anytime and I will pick her up no questions asked.

She told me to my face she knew it was not a good idea to smoke, she has some brains, but I now found out that her and one of my friends "associates" smoked with her last night. I can't tell you how disappointed I am, but now I don't know what to do. I can't just sit by her and watch her waste her life away like I have had another friend do, I just can't do it.

Sorry if I am in a bad mood guys, I just need some advice on what to do, most of y'all are a lot older and probably been through the same bull****.

Any help?

[Andrei Semenov]

I have to say it depends case to case. Sometimes it takes a severe incident to shake someone into quitting, sometimes it takes peer pressure into quitting, sometimes it takes a boyfriend/girlfriend so give the person an ultimatum, its really hard to say.


If it gets in the way she really cares about she'll wise up sooner or later. such as boys, sports, etc.

[Zuxzux]

I think you are definitely overreacting. Weed is not a bad thing. It can actually be good for a lot of things. She has the right to choose if she wants to smoke or not.

As far as it being illegal and the expulation thing. Well... as long as she doesn't start selling it then she shouldn't expect to get in trouble for doing it. If she is caught at school then I don't think she would be expelled. I have more than a few friends who have been cought and suspended for a week.

I'm an advocate for legalization because I think it is a good alternative to drinking and smoking cigarettes.

I would also like to note that I don't smoke anymore except on rare occasions.

So, all and all, I would let her smoke weed but if she starts getting into anything heavier (ie. Cocaine, LSD, Ecstacy, etc.) that is when you need to step up and stop her.

[Cellar]

I'm going to have to disagree with you on a few points there Zuxzux.
First of all I don't think that pot smoking is a "good" alternative to drinking and/or smoking cigarettes, but I do agree that it is an alternative. Smoking pot damages your lungs just like cigarettes do, and you can get addicted to it just like with drinking.
The second thing I disagree with is saying that he should stop her when she gets into heavier stuff like cocaine and ecstacy. For most people, after the first time using cocaine or ecstacy, they have a life-long addiciton problem on their hands.
For you Canavi, I'd say that it sounds like you are overreacting for now. It seems to me that she is just doing it with people she knows at parties etc. probably much like she is drinking. From what you said, I think that she is just experimenting now and not "throwing her life away." If she starts smoking more heavily or god forbid in private, then you should definitely intervene, but now I think you should just make sure that she knows that you don't like what she's doing.
I hope this helps, and best of luck to you.

[schuby]

Well I'm going to have to disagree with YOU Cellar lol I do but I mean no offense by it.

Weed is not addicting. I do not smoke, and never will, but I am friends with alot of the potheads at my school. They all always tell me, if they have weed then they'll smoke it, but if they don't they are ok. There is not biological addiction to pot whatsoever. You can get a psychological addiction to pot, but that is only if you smoke like every day, and then you feel you depend on it.

Weed is not a good alternative to drinking or smoking, but it is a better for you than either of those. Not very many people die from drinking while high(although 1 is too many, in my opinion), at least, not compared to alcohol. And smoking can give you a lot more bad shit than weed can. Yeah, weed can give you lung cancer, but its not as addicting as cigarettes, therefore you aren't as harmed by it.

I do agree with you on some points. If she starts sneaking off to smoke weed, and won't tell you, intervene. And especially if she does it on her own, because that is a bad sign. Most people smoke to be social, and to have more fun than normal with their friends. If they do it on their own, they have problems. If she is just experimenting, or if she only does it, say, once every week or two, she will most likely be fine. If you suspect she is doing harder drugs, tell any adults who can help and ask for anonymity. They will probably oblige to your wishes, and also prevent her from really throwing her life away. Also Canavi, she may seem like a sister to you, but she does have the right to smoke if she wants to. Do not demand anything, cause that'll just piss her off. And don't pressure her too much not to smoke, cause that may only add to her problem.

[Cellar]

There is not biological addiction to pot whatsoever. You can get a psychological addiction to pot, but that is only if you smoke like every day, and then you feel you depend on it.

I was referring to a psychological addiction like with alcohol, not a biological addiction. Thanks for clarifying.
If you notice in Canavi's original post, he/she says dope, not weed. I was just rebutting Zuxzux's point that smoking pot is a good alternative to drinking or smoking cigarettes.

[--Edge]

Ah drugs, a very complicated topic indeed.

First of all, let me say that more often than not people that are against drugs
do a lot of things that make people more inclined to do them in trying to get them
to stop. I have at times in my life been fairly heavily involved with drugs, and
not just weed. Thankfully I don't have an addictive personality, and so I did not
form any habits. What you'll find in this subject is a lot of opinions. But here are some facts.

Fact 1:
Drugs damage your body.
Every recreational drug out there damages your body in one way or another. Some
much more heavily than others. However, despite common conception, they
do not tear up your body under limited use, so don't blow this point out of proportion,
but in talking to her you can make it clear that you  care about her, and want her to be healthy.

Fact 2.
Drugs are illegal.
While everybody has the right to choose whether or not to obey these laws, we
are still citizens of the United States, and one of our born responsibilities is to
uphold the laws of the country we were born in.

Fact 3.
Most people have a reason to take drugs.
Whether it's stress, escapism, pleasure, pressure,
or because they want to experience new things, everyone
has certain reasons why they take drugs. Some of them constructive,
some destructive. Before encouraging someone to stop, it would be prudent
to find out why they take the drug.

Fact 4.
A friend that disagrees with what you're doing but still has the character to be a great friend to you, is FAR more valuable than any good experience any drug can give.
What you really have to show here Canavi is that you care about her, not that you disapprove of actions. While you would not take the same actions, as a friend
you can't direct her to do or not do anything. Only advise. But I'm telling you now, if you can find a way to be completely supportive of her, while at the same time
communicating that you disagree with her choices, this is a powerful dichotomy that works better for helping people change than any 12 step program out there.
A lot of people get isolated from their good friends if they start taking drugs, which makes them even more prone to do more drugs.
(ok, that one was more of an opinion)


Fact 5.
Everyone experiments with these type of experiences to some degreee.
Not everyone tries drugs, but it is human nature be curious about new experiences, and therefore experiment with things like drugs.
So if she is simply trying to find out who she is, I wouldn't be too worried.


Now, on to my opinion on the subject...

The fact of the matter, is that much of the music YOU probably like was influenced by and possibly even written by artists who
have and will take lots of drugs. What are drugs used for mostly in this arena you ask? Well the same reason that we like parkour,
because it helps them break boundaries in their minds, which allows them to be free and create new music that is innovative and
ground-breaking. We love parkour because it gives us a new perspective of the world, it tears down our barriers of how we see
and think about the world. Suddenly a bench turns into something completely different because we look at it differently. Drugs
can have the same effect in giving people a different perspective of their own lives, or life in general.

In short, there are good and there are bad reasons to take drugs. I would stay away from the right and wrong arguments, because
they tend to incite more conflict if you are going to continue to persuade her to stop. But again, in my opinion, the best thing you
can do is just continue to be a good friend and try to show her the benefits of a drug-free lifestyle. (i.e. more energy, no withdraws,
no dependencies, no danger of being caught, healthier etc...)

Hope this helps you deal with your situation mate, and good luck.

And I'm glad that you are a good enough friend to take this much of an interest. That's pretty rare mate, so good job.

Cheers!

--Edge

[Andrei Semenov]

There is a biological addiction to weed, and there IS a psychological dependency on weed.

I would go in depth but its too early and i want me some food

[Zuxzux]

Weed is definitly much safer than alcohol as an alternative.

1.Marijuana can't kill you. Alcohol can. The related car accidents to Marijuana is miniscule where the related deaths to Alcohol is extremely high. Marijuana doesn't damage your liver and other organs, except for your lungs.

2. It is not a physically addictive substance and therefore if need be a person can quit at any time. A psychologoical addiction is possible but not as likely as people seem to think. Most people just choose to smoke every day because they enjoy it, much like some people go eat fast food every day.

3. Another common misconception you point out is that after first use of cocaine or ecstacy, most people have a life long addiction. In reality its the opposite. Only a small percentage of people get addicted their first time. Addiction usually comes from repeated use when you begin to need more to reach the same high.

Also, alcohol has a physical addition. Alcoholics can attest this to you that they can experiance withdrawls and a reason why they body does not want them to stop use.


The only point I will agree on is that it is Illegal at this point and time so she could get in trouble but its really not very likiely as long as she isnt dealing it.

[Muse_of_Fire]

Independent of whether drugs are right or wrong or good or bad, because opinions will vary and we'll never solve those questions in this thread, the thing to remember is that she is her own person and the only person who can change her is herself. Don't waste a ton of energy trying to get her to change because you will just be spinning your wheels and will only get frustrated and may do more harm than good. Also, and selfish as it may sound, the more energy you spend on worrying/stressing about this, the less energy you have to take care of your own life and priorities.

Don't get me wrong, what I'm saying here is that you have to pick your battles. Put your energy into being a good friend to her and letting her know you care about her as a whole person, not just that you care about whether or not she stops using. Make plans with her, see movies, take her out, etc. Spend time with her and be a good friend so that next time her other friends invite her over to smoke, she will be too busy hanging out with you. Alternatively, if you invite her out she may have other plans already to go smoke. It happens. She is her own person and will make her own choices. You cannot get her to stop. Only she can do that if she wants to. But what you can do is just continue to be her friend and hang out with her and offer her a non-smoking option for spending her time. She will choose one or the other as the mood strikes her, based on what is important to her.

The more you fret over how to get her to stop, the more stressed you'll get and the less effective a friend you'll be, and that's not good for anyone.

Also remember that high school is a time when a LOT of personal experimentation/exploration of identity happens, and a lot of shifting of social dynamics also. She may be like a sister to you now, but by the time you are seniors, you may not even be speaking to eachother. Not because of a huge fight, necessarily, but just because you will have made different choices as individuals and grown apart. C'est la vie. Or you may grow closer over the course of high school and by senior year will be best friends, or dating, or what have you. It's hard to predict, but it's the nature of the beast. You have to let her be her own person while at the same time being a good person to her, irrespective of the drug use. If a friendship is to further solidify out of that, then it will.

The point is you can't let it get to you. All you can do is be your own person and offer her the best of you that there is, and let her make her own decisions.

Hope that helps. It's pretty much what --Edge was saying, I think.

[Matt Hudson]

Wow.
Another drug topic eh?

lol. What do you think guys? Should I tell him everything modern science, and our government know about weed?
As well as my personal opinion?
lol. No I don't think so.

Listen dude.
If you want to further your education, and learn quite a lot. PM me and I will explain in full detail.
For the time being however, I will just give you some advice.

Don't bug her!
Don't care!
STAY STRONG WITH YOUR OPINION HOWEVER!

Now an explanation.
Don't bug her about it, because it will more than likely piss her off, and make her want to get into it more heavily.

Don't care, because she will feel she is doing something wrong, (is it wrong when 76.3% of the USA smokes pot? lol.) if she feels she is doing something wrong, then your friendship will die.
She will start smoking heavily, and you guys will fall apart, no matter how close you are.
And she will become depressed.

Stay strong with your opinion, because if you don't care that she does it, but you believe it's bad.
She will understand both sides of the railroad tracks.
And will more than likely, want to hang out with you.
Because the friends she goes and hangs out with.. they probably peer pressure her into smoking, and she wants to be cool, so hell why not?

You not pressuring her, will make a more comfortable relationship.
Your not pressuring her not to smoke, and your not pressuring her to smoke.
Being comfortable will allow her to have more fun.
So in reality, your friendship could strengthen.
Cause if you follow my advice, as well as the combined advice in this topic.
She will quit.
And never do it again, or every once in a while, like every year, or every 5 years..etc...

And hey.
You may end up marrying her.
You may not think that way as of now.
But life has a way of throwing you a curve ball.
This little dilemma can prove beneficial to your friendship with her.

Friends that have been through a crisis, or a really tough problem where hard decisions, and tough choices have been involved.
Become more closer to each other cause a lot of trust grows between them.

Please be aware:
This post contains 75% fact, 15% experience, and 10% opinion.
The poster takes no responsibility for lost or stolen items.

[Laurie Jennifer]

i would make a point that majority rule doesn't work for moral law (in other words, "everybody's doing it" is no excuse), but that flirts dangerously close with the "religion & politics danger zone."

i will, however, agree that it's much more important to emphasis that care for her as a friend, rather than how you disapprove of her actions.  love doesn't stuff condemnation down someone's throat, even out of genuine concern.  love always hopes, always trusts, is patient (literally, "suffers long"), kind, etc.

see her and treat her through the eyes of hope.  that is, as the person you know she could be, the best of herself.  don't focus on her poor choices, but her potential.  when you hat someone in your life do that consistently, you eventually rise to the occasion.  it's the power of knowing there's someone who believes in you-- you start to believe it, too.

[Laurie Jennifer]

darn T9...  sorry about the typos.  hopefully most of it made sense.

[schuby]

Also, alcohol has a physical addition. Alcoholics can attest this to you that they can experiance withdrawls and a reason why they body does not want them to stop use.


The only point I will agree on is that it is Illegal at this point and time so she could get in trouble but its really not very likiely as long as she isnt dealing it.

A couple very good points here. NOONE HAS EVER SUFFERED WEED WITHDRAWALS!!! You cannot, because there is no biological addiction to it. People don't go to rehab for being addicted to weed: it just doesn't happen. There would be no point, in fact, they prolly wouldn't even admit you. After people smoke, I have never seen them want to smoke more. They did it, they are done, and they won't do it again till the next day. I also have never heard about people doing it more than once in a day, like alcoholics or smokers do. My friend smokes cigarettes, and every time he gets one he just wants another 10 minutes later. It sickens me, but he smokes weed too and he has never bitched about not having that. I've been with him for extended periods of time, even with other potheads, and they never talk about how much they miss weed.

Now, on to the dealing point. If, Canavi, you do suspect your friend is dealing, do tell her to stop. Even go so far as to say you don't care if she smokes as long as she doesn't deal, because dealing can get you in major trouble. She will get expelled pretty quick for that.

[Zuxzux]

Also remember that high school is a time when a LOT of personal experimentation/exploration of identity happens, and a lot of shifting of social dynamics also. She may be like a sister to you now, but by the time you are seniors, you may not even be speaking to eachother. Not because of a huge fight, necessarily, but just because you will have made different choices as individuals and grown apart. C'est la vie. Or you may grow closer over the course of high school and by senior year will be best friends, or dating, or what have you. It's hard to predict, but it's the nature of the beast. You have to let her be her own person while at the same time being a good person to her, irrespective of the drug use. If a friendship is to further solidify out of that, then it will.

I thought this was a very good point to make.

Also, if someone is going to smoke thats their choice. Its not something that will hurt their quality of life. You should still be able to hang out with her and have no problems. Also you need to remember that everyone has different friends. I have friends like yours who smoke with their friends but when we hang out they dont.

What I'm tryin to say is it shouldn't hurt your relationship with her unless you decide to change it.

[Muhammad]

It's illegal, a controlled substance. Why would any of you promote the usage of controlled substances? This is not from wisdom. You should respect the law of the land you are living in.

[schuby]

We're not trying to promote it. We are simply saying 1)Of the many controlled(and uncontrolled) substances out there, pot is not nearly the worst, and 2)If Canavi keeps badgering his friend about not smoking pot, then he will lose what sounds like a very good friend.

And plus, there are worse things you can do that are legal. Alcohol, cigarettes, chew, hell half the crap you eats gives you the chance to get cancer of some kind.

[Zuxzux]

It's illegal, a controlled substance. Why would any of you promote the usage of controlled substances? This is not from wisdom. You should respect the law of the land you are living in.

This is why there are countless efforts all over the country for leglaization. We want change and I predict in my state (colorado) it will be legal within the next 5 years.

[TheMightyKen]

Muhammad, you are in no place to define what is or isn't "of wisdom".

There is a biological addiction to weed, and there IS a psychological dependency on weed.

LOL!

[Muse_of_Fire]

The question at hand is not whether weed is good or bad or should or shouldn't be legal. The question at hand is how Canavi can sensibly and positively deal with an important relationship in his life that is impacted by weed in some way. So the drug debate has no place here, no matter which side of it you're on.

We are trying to answer a question. The question is not, "Should drugs be legal?" or "Are drugs good or bad?" or "Which drug is better or worse for you?" The question is, "How can I deal with a relationship in my life that is impacted by the person doing something that is a. illegal and b. something I disagree with?"