Author Topic: Fear of...success?  (Read 466 times)

Offline Adam "Echo" C

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Fear of...success?
« on: October 09, 2011, 12:04:20 PM »
I've discovered that I have a very strange fear that creates a lot of my mental blocks. On the day I did my first standing backflip my gymnastics instructor pointed out that I seemed to be afraid of success. I have no idea where this fear would come from.

 A lot of people tell me I'm always too hard on myself; too critical about what I do. But that can't be the cause of this, can it? I'm just analyzing what I can do better. Maybe because of this analysis, I never feel successful because I never actually define success. I just keep raising the bar.

Does anybody else have any idea of where this fear came from, or, more importantly, how I can overcome it? Am I clear, or do I need to elaborate?
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Offline Jose "ballzy" Baliņo

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Re: Fear of...success?
« Reply #1 on: October 19, 2011, 08:02:26 AM »
Yeah, I have no idea either, but maybe this will help
For my orientation class, I had to take some seminars for a grade, on one, we discussed success
Themain discussion was under-achievement, but then he discussed fear of success
This fear of success, is nothing more than not doing your full potential, because you fear that people will expect a lot from you, and you fear that you might not be able to agree with their terms of them expecting a great deal of achievement,,so you do excellent yet do nothing, yeahhh, its a paradox :P

"Because you might as well be dead. Seriously, if you always put limits on what you can do, physical or anything else, it'll spread over into the rest of your life. It'll spread limits into your work, into your morality, int

Offline Tom Heyl

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Re: Fear of...success?
« Reply #2 on: October 19, 2011, 08:25:29 AM »
From the first example it sounds more like a fear of trying it.  Or do you mean that you're not happy once you do it?

If it's the second one try telling yourself this.

Happiness comes from the journey, not the end point.  It's not about getting to the end, it's how you got there. The small things are what matters.

Another thing to try is every time you do something good, congratulate yourself. It may feel empty when you say it, but it will set you up to become confident in everything that you do.

Offline Alec Furtado

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Re: Fear of...success?
« Reply #3 on: October 19, 2011, 08:57:41 AM »
;D

Just take a look around and enjoy the process of improving yourself. Write your goals down on paper, both short term and long term. Then write down the intermediary steps to reach those goals, down to what you're going to train each week or even each day. Every workout during this time will be a success, since it's something that will lead you to the ultimate goal you set forth.

I'm not saying stop raising the bar... that's silly. Keep improving, but track it on paper and don't let yourself move forward without acknowledging how far you've come. Every training session is a chance for improvement, but some improvement can only be noticed from a distance. You could be working on a precision every day for a week, but the last day when you make it is not the time you actually improved. You were improving the whole time working up to it. Soon, you develop a love of success.
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Offline Adam "Echo" C

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Re: Fear of...success?
« Reply #4 on: October 19, 2011, 04:35:10 PM »
This fear of success, is nothing more than not doing your full potential, because you fear that people will expect a lot from you, and you fear that you might not be able to agree with their terms of them expecting a great deal of achievement,,so you do excellent yet do nothing, yeahhh, its a paradox :P

That makes a ton of sense, and I can see exactly where that would stem from in my life: my parents. I'm moving out of this house next year, and I know that once I get a sense of independence and I learn to be my own man, my confidence will skyrocket.

;D

Just take a look around and enjoy the process of improving yourself. Write your goals down on paper, both short term and long term. Then write down the intermediary steps to reach those goals, down to what you're going to train each week or even each day. Every workout during this time will be a success, since it's something that will lead you to the ultimate goal you set forth.

I'm not saying stop raising the bar... that's silly. Keep improving, but track it on paper and don't let yourself move forward without acknowledging how far you've come. Every training session is a chance for improvement, but some improvement can only be noticed from a distance. You could be working on a precision every day for a week, but the last day when you make it is not the time you actually improved. You were improving the whole time working up to it. Soon, you develop a love of success.

I had an excellent training session yesterday, and I overcame several mental blocks. A lot of this was due to things similar to what you said above. I just enjoyed moving on and improving. Thanks for the advice, bro.
« Last Edit: October 19, 2011, 04:36:41 PM by Adam "Echo" C »
"Hi! I'm Mark Toorock from American Parkour. Today, we're going to be showing you parkour."

I will crush my mental blocks into a fine powder, and then I will construct a fabulous Zen garden.

Offline David Glass

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Re: Fear of...success?
« Reply #5 on: October 31, 2011, 04:08:27 AM »
I never feel successful because I never actually define success. I just keep raising the bar.

I don't know about this "Fear of success". I recently heard a politician say something along the lines of "I have been successful in everything I set out to do", and my first though was "Wow, that guy must be really successful", but after thinking it through for about 2 minutes, I thought "Yeah, that guy is a real loser"

Why did I think that?

It boils down to what success is and how we approach it. Success is, in its core, setting out to accomplish an objective and succeeding. It is said that if you are unsuccessful, either a) Your goal was unrealistic, or b) you didn't carry out a good strategy to accomplish your objective. That politician probably never set the bar very high, so he would never fail, or maybe he did fail and just twisted the facts a bit (as we know politicians do)

Further thoughts delved into "Well, if you're always successful, you aren't really challenging yourself", and "If you're consistently failing, then you really are".

Then those thoughts grew into... "Chances are, the brightest, most innovative people, set off objectives by establishing how far they can realistically take their goals, and then think how to take it one step further".

Those who do this, flirt with failure all the time. Success is just a passing reward that fuels the desire to take things one step further. Sound familiar?

So, it's not success you fear, it's failure. What you have to be weary of is, sometimes you desire something so intensely that your every thought is consumed by achieving it. Because it is so important to you, you end up elevating that goal to a height that you perceive as beyond your reach.
« Last Edit: October 31, 2011, 04:16:28 AM by David Glass »
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Offline Stevie Leifheit

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Re: Fear of...success?
« Reply #6 on: October 31, 2011, 06:16:42 AM »
I moved this so you'll get better replies, Adam.
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Offline GJackson

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Re: Fear of...success?
« Reply #7 on: November 01, 2011, 06:09:52 PM »
That makes a ton of sense, and I can see exactly where that would stem from in my life: my parents. I'm moving out of this house next year, and I know that once I get a sense of independence and I learn to be my own man, my confidence will skyrocket.

I know exactly where you're coming from, Adam. I've been dealing with having moved out of the house and into college the past few weeks and I've become way different. You're gonna change in ways you can't even see and things may end up being crazy for a while. It was for me, at least. :P

As far as the fear of success (actually, as David said, fear of failure) thing, I've been dealing with it myself, so I can tell you that you aren't alone. Dealing with it really is a matter of sitting down and being proud of yourself for your accomplishments and how far you've come. I was talking to a fellow practitioner and telling her "I don't really take too many moves at full speed" but while practicing I realized that I take more things at full-speed (or very close to full speed) than I thought. Sometimes it's a matter of just going for a move you're a bit scared of, no matter the consequences. With me, my brain really gets in my way and some days I just need to shut it off and go for something, trusting my instincts and natural reactions. Then, and this is an important bit, after the trick is landed get it through my head that I actually did it and can do it again if I want to. It'll take some work, but everything that's worth something takes work to get to. :)
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Offline Adam "Echo" C

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Re: Fear of...success?
« Reply #8 on: November 02, 2011, 04:53:01 PM »
I moved this so you'll get better replies, Adam.

Thanks, buddy. :)

I know exactly where you're coming from, Adam. I've been dealing with having moved out of the house and into college the past few weeks and I've become way different. You're gonna change in ways you can't even see and things may end up being crazy for a while. It was for me, at least. :P

As far as the fear of success (actually, as David said, fear of failure) thing, I've been dealing with it myself, so I can tell you that you aren't alone. Dealing with it really is a matter of sitting down and being proud of yourself for your accomplishments and how far you've come. I was talking to a fellow practitioner and telling her "I don't really take too many moves at full speed" but while practicing I realized that I take more things at full-speed (or very close to full speed) than I thought. Sometimes it's a matter of just going for a move you're a bit scared of, no matter the consequences. With me, my brain really gets in my way and some days I just need to shut it off and go for something, trusting my instincts and natural reactions. Then, and this is an important bit, after the trick is landed get it through my head that I actually did it and can do it again if I want to. It'll take some work, but everything that's worth something takes work to get to. :)

I'm interested to see how things change when I get out of here. Thanks for the help, I'll think about what you've said.
"Hi! I'm Mark Toorock from American Parkour. Today, we're going to be showing you parkour."

I will crush my mental blocks into a fine powder, and then I will construct a fabulous Zen garden.

Offline Adam "Echo" C

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Re: Fear of...success?
« Reply #9 on: November 02, 2011, 04:56:03 PM »

So, it's not success you fear, it's failure. What you have to be weary of is, sometimes you desire something so intensely that your every thought is consumed by achieving it. Because it is so important to you, you end up elevating that goal to a height that you perceive as beyond your reach.

(Didn't mean to forget  your answer).

That sounds exactly like my problem. I've got the idea stuck in my head that "I'm just not cool enough." I've had that stupid ideal branded in my mind for about as long as I can remember. I don't want to become a showoff/douche, but I think I've taken that worry waaaay too far. Excellent answer, my friend.
"Hi! I'm Mark Toorock from American Parkour. Today, we're going to be showing you parkour."

I will crush my mental blocks into a fine powder, and then I will construct a fabulous Zen garden.

Offline CoolOutsider

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Re: Fear of...success?
« Reply #10 on: November 07, 2011, 01:50:34 AM »
what i understood is, that u don't have fear, but u are unaware that you are improving and that can be a big problem my friend, cause if u want to go from A to Z, u have to go through all the letters first (letters==stages) ,u do improve but sometimes we get consumed by the idea of success that we define it as "it only happens when i reach Z', that's true but still missing something, u r improving, which means ur methods is success, i tell myself always, success is when i train though a certain schedule and that improves me, not when i reach that goal i put in the first place, because we always subconsciously raise the bar....so write down ur progress like how far u jumped like 8 feet, i know u may want to reach the 10 feet, but if u progressed to jump to 9, that is success also, cause u improved, knowing that will help to boost ur skills more and more and especially ur focus and ur dedication to whatever sport ur doing...that's why scientists document everything they reach, they didn't reach there final goal, but they know from the results they keep having and documenting that they are getting close....and same thing apply to anything u want to reach or be good at..i hope this can be any help to you or to ur problem and if did, hit me back, so i can use this to help others if they ever faced the same problem u do now...........good luck mate and practice safe :-)
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Offline Adam "Echo" C

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Re: Fear of...success?
« Reply #11 on: November 07, 2011, 05:15:00 AM »
I like the example with the scientists. I've been reading articles on the importance of drudgery, (not to say that parkour is drudgery), but what it seems to come down to is that I'm getting impatient, and I'm not enjoying the process like I used to. I'm an extreme perfectionist, which is something that I've got to work on.
"Hi! I'm Mark Toorock from American Parkour. Today, we're going to be showing you parkour."

I will crush my mental blocks into a fine powder, and then I will construct a fabulous Zen garden.

Offline Alec Furtado

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Re: Fear of...success?
« Reply #12 on: November 07, 2011, 10:20:50 AM »
Vacation?
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Offline Adam "Echo" C

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Re: Fear of...success?
« Reply #13 on: November 07, 2011, 06:37:23 PM »
Vacation?

Nahh. I got a book about this stuff, so hopefully it might help. Otherwise, I've been talking it over with some of my mentors, and I'm feeling some progress.
"Hi! I'm Mark Toorock from American Parkour. Today, we're going to be showing you parkour."

I will crush my mental blocks into a fine powder, and then I will construct a fabulous Zen garden.

Offline Stevie Leifheit

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Re: Fear of...success?
« Reply #14 on: November 07, 2011, 06:57:43 PM »
Otherwise, I've been talking it over with some of my mentors, and I'm feeling some progress.


Uhh...why do I get the feeling I'm not one of these mentors? That hurts man  :-Sarcasm
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Offline Adam "Echo" C

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Re: Fear of...success?
« Reply #15 on: November 07, 2011, 07:29:03 PM »
NONSENSE. Remember all that advice you gave me at NC? But for srs, I'll give you call or something. I hate typing everything out.
"Hi! I'm Mark Toorock from American Parkour. Today, we're going to be showing you parkour."

I will crush my mental blocks into a fine powder, and then I will construct a fabulous Zen garden.

Offline Stevie Leifheit

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Re: Fear of...success?
« Reply #16 on: November 07, 2011, 07:32:43 PM »
NONSENSE. Remember all that advice you gave me at NC? But for srs, I'll give you call or something. I hate typing everything out.


I'm available all day tomorrow. Call my home. I'll PM you the number.
Weight training alongside parkour always benefits, it never takes away.


Quote from: Joe Brock
It's like you are some kind of APK Angel...not the girly kind...but the big "Sodom destroying" ones!!!