Tears unshed, and light unshown,
Barren 'scape of lightning dry.
My mind a hellish place, where demons lurk in twisted trees' shadows.
And the wind, sad, isolated, cold, harsh.Don't need four adjectives here. Feels excessive.
To see the sun a faintest dream, to feel the ambrosia simply of water,
A broken dream.
But, a melody comes running through,
Sweet, soft, and hope arises,
Deep breath, and dreams untold, sprouts again the seeds of joy.
Cloud break, parched ground softened, trees burnt long ago, scars, collapse to ash
Shining light, piercing soft clouds, feeding growth of love, hope, and joy,
And I live. I live again, or maybe finally, but...
It's obvious that you love to write. And I feel like you might best be benefited by a general overview of some issues rather than a specific, nitpicking critique of this particular piece.
First of all, don't try to hard to sound "poetic". I see this reflected in a bunch of places here, like your somewhat-archaic "scape", your frequent sentence inversions (My mind a hellish place, where demons lurk in twisted trees' shadows, etcetera) , the way you put "un" in front of words (untold, unshown, untold), and use of cliches such as shining light. Try to be honest to yourself. Don't write like you think poetry is supposed to sound, write how you feel inside your mind. Truly. If you're honest, people will believe you. This, on the other hand, sounds somewhat cheesy and unauthentic because of the "poetic" conventions that are used.
Try to personalize and contextualize the poem. Right now, you're using stock words like "shining, twisted, parched". Not that these words are bad, but you need to find your own vocabulary, words you can make your own to create your own unique voice. As for context, think about what's happening in the poem. Again, very general word usage limits my interaction with this piece. You talk about the sky, your mind, a barren landscape, but I don't have a background to place the action of this poem against. Personalize, personalize, personalize! Add some narrative energy to this!
That's enough stuff for now, I think. Try to write something from your own experience, that I can read and come away thinking "Mmmm. Tastes like Spencer B!"
Ok, that came out sounding so wrong.
But still, the point stands.
Final note: Please don't take it personally if you think this is harsh. I think you have some potential as a writer, and you have an exuberance that shines through this piece. I am honestly trying my best to help you out, and my stuff isn't the best either.
Peace, dude. I'll look forward to your next.