The only thing you can do is to do what she wants you to do, if respecting her wishes is something that's a high priority to you. As cliche as is sounds, I'm sure she doesn't want you to feel bad, so stay on the sunny side of life. If you miss her, you miss her, and it's ok to feel sad about that sometimes, but miss her, remember the good times, and think about the good things you still have in your life. When my grandma died, I missed her very much for a time (though it was really time for her to pass on, she was in pain for a while before she died), but when I settled with my sadness and accepted that I missed her and that I was ok with that, my life was ... more colorful? In the words of Tyler Durden, "Tomrrow will be the most beautiful day of Raymond K. Essel's life. His breakfast will taste better than any meal you or I have ever tasted." And then I found parkour, and I have a few friends who I really like. Next year I'll go to college. Or if I don't I'll move out, find a job in california, and THEN I'll go to college. And it'll be like 70,000 cheaper when I establish residency. Then I'll get a job, maybe make a family with someone, maybe do something meaningful. Basically my point is, there's still life to live.
