lol Whiteninja. No worries. Whatever works for you.

As promised in another thread, my favorite lentil recipe, also from "The Dancing Gourmet" cookbook; and my hummus recipe. Both are cheap, easy, healthy, and satisfying. Don't let the length of the recipes fool you or make you uncomfortable. Both are quite easy to make.
Bon appetit!
Lentils1 1/2 cups green or brown lentils
4 1/2-5 cups nonfat chicken stock
2 teaspoons olive oil
1 teaspoon butter
1 cup finely chopped onion
1 large carrot, trimmed, scraped, and chopped fine
2 cloves minced garlic
1/2-1 small hot red chile pepper, trimmed, seeded (unless you like it really spicy), and finely chopped (I often use red pepper flakes for convenience)
4 plum tomatoes, peeled, seeded, and chopped*
salt and freshly ground black pepper
1 tablespoon lemon juice
Rinse lentils well. Bring 4 cups of chicken stock to a boil in a large pot and add lentils. Turn heat down and simmer. Cook lentils 30 minutes. Meanwhile, in another large saucepan, heat olive oil and butter. Saute onions and carrots over medium heat for 2 minutes. Add garlic, red pepper, and tomatoes and cook until soft, about 3 minutes more. Add cooked lentils and season with salt and pepper to taste. Heat through, adding more chicken stock as needed to make the lentils slightly soupy. Add lemon juice and heat through.
*Peeling plum tomatoes is kind of a hassle, so I often just use canned chopped tomatoes for convenience. One can, drained, usually does the job. If you want to use fresh tomatoes, here are two ways of peeling them. The complicated way: cut a few slits in the skin. Drop tomatoes in boiling water for about a minute. Remove with a slotted spoon and plunge into ice water too cool them. The skins should slip off easily (I have never had much success with this). The easier way (discovered accidentally by me): Cut tomatoes into quarters or eighths; manageable sized chunks. Put into a
Zyliss chopper and chop coarsely. The tomato flesh should chop, but the skin should stay intact. You can now scrape the chopped tomato flesh easily off of the skin. Voila!
NOTE: To keep preparation simple, I often make the lentils in one pan, sauteeing the vegetables and seasonings in the bottom of a large saucepan or dutch oven for a few moments, and then adding the broth to boil, and then adding the lentils, lowering the heat to a fast simmer. It alters the taste a bit, but not in a bad way. Makes the flavors blend together more. Plus there's one less dish to was at the end!
HummusIn a blender, mix until smooth (all proportions approximate; adjust to taste):
1-2 cans garbanzo beans, drained
1/4-1/2 cup tahini
Juice of one half to one whole lemon
minced fresh garlic (to taste)
Salt (to taste)
You may need to add some water to soften it to the consistency you like. Enjoy with whole wheat pita wedges, chopped fresh vegetables, on sandwiches/wraps as a substitute for mayo, etc.
Enjoy. Let me know if you have questions on any of these.